How To Write A Best Selling Book

Yeah…so, how do I write a best seller? Where do I start? What business do I have to write a book in the first place? How did I get here?

Oh man…I have a long way to go until hit George RR Martin status. I also have a few pounds to put on too.

That’s right kids, I’m not above fat jokes. Strap yourselves in.

Anywho, maybe we should start with…

How to Google How to Write a Book

Wait a minute. Yes! This is how you do that.

The Googling Results

The first link Google spits out is utterly useless. 3/4’s of it is about marketing and PR. It concludes with two wonderful pearls of wisdom about the actual writing process:

  • If you can’t dedicate at least a year full time to writing the book, don’t bother.
  • If you can’t write a good book, don’t bother.

I go one and a half words for this post: Fuck ‘um.

If I wanted to know how to market my book, I’d start by googling that. But I’m waaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy too far away from that point. And as for dedicated a year to the writing process…my wife might have some issues with me quitting my job.

So yeah, fuck ‘um.

There were two links of any merit after my quick Google search.

This post will be perfect once I start getting into the brass tacks of the actual writing process. It’s a style guide, and a good one at that. So I’ll file this one away.

The advice he dispenses are those gems you need when you’ve already had a number of reps through the writing process. It’s worth a read now and then file it away. When you hit a wall, pull it out again and read it again.

Conclusion: Fuck You Google

I am still nowhere on this whole book writing thing. This isn’t going to be as easy as I thought.

I’m going to take a step back and think about the design process of writing a book.

 

Unfortunately I think that means I have to start outlining and shit. You know, that thing your 6th grade social studies teacher forced you to do when you were taking notes. Uhh, yeah the Roman numerals, letters and numbers song and dance. I remember doing it and swearing to God almighty that it would be the last time I outlined anything.

Now I’m going to do it again. Mrs. Guillam you’re a fucking genius. I take back all those spitballs levied against you.

The Snowflake Method.

After a few more Google searches I came across The Snowflake Method of Novel Design. This seems like a great place to start.

However, there was one section in there that caught my eye:

If you’re like most people, you spend a long time thinking about your novel before you ever start writing. You may do some research. You daydream about how the story’s going to work. You brainstorm. You start hearing the voices of different characters. You think about what the book’s about — the Deep Theme. This is an essential part of every book which I call “composting”. It’s an informal process and every writer does it differently. I’m going to assume that you know how to compost your story ideas and that you have already got a novel well-composted in your mind and that you’re ready to sit down and start writing that novel.

Now I know where to begin.

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